Tuesday, June 28, 2016


I am a chameleon.

Ever since I can remember, I had the ability to blend in with any group.  The bigger the crowd, the better my assimilation.  It's not a conscious act on my part. It is as natural as breathing and as difficult to control. I can hold it at bay for brief moments but eventually my natural tendency kicks in and I become part of the landscape.

Gestures, accents, gender, ethnicity, even skin colour - none of those matter. I mimic them as easy as you breathe.

Whether it's a gang of ginger-haired terrors one minute or tea-drinking grannies sharing knitting patterns the next, I have one of those faces. It's familiar to everyone. Often because it's most like the one that looks back at you from a mirror every morning.

I am whoever is around me. Sitting at home, alone, I am barely myself. Music, books, decor are all from the people I have been over the years. I look in the mirror and see no one. Just a blank face waiting for colour and expression.  I do not know my right from your wrong. I am no one and everyone.

I do my best to be around good people. Caring people full of kindness, empathy and compassion. I have been on both sides of most debates. Been bullied, beaten and spat upon because of my gender, colour of skin or clothing. Being a chameleon means I know fear, hatred and violence.  I try to choose the side of love but that often results in more beatings.

I have hidden in my room, away from all the different skins, but that was as lonely as blending in the crowd. Self-loathing is more destructive than external hate.

Tonight, I will shake off the oppressive mantle of self-doubt and join the biggest party of revelers I can find. People who know how to have fun in the face of opposition, pride in who they are, and dance regardless of who is watching.  Tonight I will be a gay Latino and love life.


  1. This post made me sad. This world is hard for people of color. As a black man, I share your pain. I always fantasize being married and having kids, and if my son or daughter told me they were gay or lesbian, I would be so proud, because I would have raised them to trust me to be able to tell me anything. I'd tell them that I would be their biggest cheerleader and I'd defend them against any monsters out there. I would also let them know that I loved them and to stand tall.
    My best friend is gay. We have been best friends for about 30 years, and I love him like he is flesh and blood, and though he doesn't need my help, I would defend him of he ever needed.

    Dude, keep your head up. God made you as you are.

    I saw a quote recently that said 'I used to walk in a room and wonder who would like me. Now I walk in a room and wonder who I will like.'

    I would kill anyone who spat at me because I was black or because my son or daughter was gay/lesbian.

    Sorry for sounding preachy, but your blog really made me sad, and my fatherly instinct had arisen.

    if you ever need a reminder that you are somebody, let me know.


    1. That was so kind of you. This was a piece of fiction. I want to understand everyone who is different from me. To understand how it feels to be ostracized or bullied, to understand fear and hate. If I walk a mile in your shoes, then I will never become the one who makes you feel less than you are - because EVERYONE has value.

  2. Female- sorry I said dude!