Two years later

Sorry for the hiatus. Life has been challenging in the last couple of years. I'm hoping the blog will get me back to who and what I love - me writing.

We sold our house, packed it up and moved to a  heritage mansion two blocks from the Niagara River. I can stand out on the porch and hear the roar of the Falls, a sound that has always soothed my soul, and one I've desperately needed.

Our first summer here was magnificent. Mom had a freedom and mobility on the half acre property that she never had in town. We had barbecues and bonfires, walks down to the river, and so much laughter. It was the happiest any of us had been in a long time. Everything was fun.

Then it ended. Mom fell and broke her leg, developed pneumonia, and died our first winter. That Christmas and the following few months are a blur. Dad and I take solace in the memories we made that year.

The following Spring, I registered for online courses through a nearby college to get another diploma. This one ensures I can be promoted when my coworker retires. As my boss suggested it, I feel good about it. The bonus is that it's making me better at the job I currently do.

That's about the time Ky started having trouble with dementia. He was fourteen and completely deaf. Casey and Finnegan did a great job of keeping him aware of his surroundings but whenever Ky got out of the yard, he usually strolled down to the Buddhist Temple down the street. I don't blame him. It is a remarkably calm place to be. We limped through the summer together. About two weeks after I lost a good friend in a tragic motorcycle accident, I had to let Ky go. My heart is still broken.

2018 sucked dead bears.

It's 2019 now. School is going well. We've all adjusted to our new dynamic with giant holes where Mom and Ky should be. We miss them terribly but Mom would definitely kick our asses for wallowing too long. She visits us in our dreams a lot. Sometimes she has Ky with her.

My goal is to get back to writing. I have two assignments due on Monday. There is no reason (other than a crippling lack of faith in my own abilities) that I can't write for an hour every day. I promised my critique partners I would have something to share with them by the end of this week.

I figure between them and this blog, the need for accountability will keep my nose to the grindstone, no matter how painful that idiom sounds.

See you soon -ish.

Mental wanderings

My daily writing goal has doubled in the last week.  It's been easy enough to meet - once I stop whining and just sit down to do it.

That sums up my life well.  Cleaning, cooking, shopping, exercise - stop whining and do it.Most the whining is internal, "I don't want to".  That takes up a ridiculous amount of time and energy so I've been focusing on why I like to do things. For the most part, simply meeting my goal provides a great deal of satisfaction.  That motivates me.

It turns out I've lost 30 pounds in the last five or six years.  It still doesn't feel like it. A lot of my clothes are tight but it is gratifying to know that I'm headed in the right direction. I don't weigh myself. That often ends badly - with me dunking cookies in a vat of ice cream. Not really, but the visual is how I perceive it.

I'm downsizing stuff in the house.  Letting stuff go mentally. And allowing myself to appreciate how much more valuable people are to me than things.  I've made the effort every couple of days to interact with friends and family at least three times a week. It requires me to think past my own circle of bull.

I'd rather have a hippopotamus.

New Year

Last night at dinner I did a much better job of articulating what the past year of Good Things has meant to me than I wrote on the blog. Let's pretend you were all sitting at the table and heard my concise explanation.

If 2013 ended up being the Year of Balance, what does 2014 have in store for me? What will be the focus of this blog?  I've been thinking about it a lot for the last few months.

Should it be about sources of inspiration?  Things that fill me with pride? Being accountable for personal goals?  Do I stick with daily posts?

I'm not sure.  I considered posting a photo a day that best summed it up. My grandfather was a good photographer.  I still have the telephoto lens he gave me in my first year of college. I still have that camera.  Film m is hard to find these days. Getting it developed even more difficult.  While I like the ease and convenience of digital,  I don't think I compose as well now that I can't afford to waste a shot.

I'd like 2014 to be the Year of Creativity. Whether it's crafting a fine piece of writing, knitting up a warm pair of socks, shooting a glorious sunset or problem solving with a patron, I intend to be creative, to approach things from an angle that only I can reach, to share a perspective that comes from my vision.

No matter my mood, my expression will be creative and stretch me into areas of growth. I hope you share the journey with me.